Following are a few tips for young people who go through that horrible night before the interview's day, tossing and turning in their beds, spinning incessantly in their tired minds the multitude of possible scenarios: If he says that, what do I say? If he asks that, how do I respond? If he behaves that way, what’s my behavior?
First off, better save a good night sleep than trying to figure out people you don’t know and situations you can’t control. I know, the stress wasp is flying under your bonnet, and by making plans that would get all your basis covered you're actually building the illusion that you can put the little, stingy flying beast from under your hat to sleep. Nothing else than a good night sleep can actually tame the dragon of the stress. So, forget about the interview… Think about naked women.
But, just before closing your eyes, let’s bust together a few myths related to interviews:
- The person who’s interviewing you has prepared with the same assiduity for the meeting as you did: most probably she perused documentation that nobody’s ever used in her team (and there's plenty of that!), browsed the internet till late after midnight, picking up a few questions that looked really difficult, and tried to memorize the answers (the hardest part of all!)
- The person who’s interviewing you is most probably completely out-dated in terms of professional knowledge. Most of the managers’ roles are very low demanding in terms of brain power and only require basic knowledge from secondary school. But beware of the staff (Johhny, the senior developer, who's a genius when he writes code and an idiot when he expresses basic things, like the need to be nice to each other in the team) she is going to bring with her in order to corner you with technological riddles. Johnny also browsed the internet the night before the interview to find absolutely extraordinary code samples (that, by the way, nobody will ever implement in a workplace run by normal people with normal needs) and to impress their manager with the depth of their skills (now do you understand why am I the best?) His questions for you will be basically variations of the same "I can do this an you can't. "
- If you have the chance to be interviewed by a smart manager, make sure you admit that you don’t have an answer to her question when you don’t have an answer. Admitting that you don’t know is the sure mark of a superior intellect, while rushing to say “I know, I know” is the sure trace of either poor judgment or lack of self-awareness at your own limits.
- Keep your composure, don’t show you are intimidated by the interviewer. Of course she intimidates you, some of them even look scary, a few look gorgeous (even worse!), but the keywords here are “do not show it!” One simple way to get comfortable with the person who’s interviewing you is to picture them naked (don't try that with the gorgeous chicks!) They are most probably middle-aged, semi-obese dudes, and with their bodies heavy and embarrasing, worn out by age and too many barbeques, and by picturing them naked you will gain confidence, especially if you're young and in good shape. If you're older and look more like the interviewer, you can think of our mortality and how frail we all are as a species.
- Do not try to crack jokes during the interview. The sense of humour is a human quality that disappeared in the nineties. Most of the leaders nowadays consider the attempts to joke as sign of political ineptitude and prefer the somber pose of the politically correct moron who is incompetenet but very appreciated.
- Do not get overexcited of what you see or hear during the interview. Any outstanding company will transform into a shithole shortly, at about six months after you joined.
- If you're really getting cornered during the interview, choose the escaping pod of every conversation where you have no clue of how to continue: "Can I get back to you on this?" Interesting enough, nobody will ever tell you "No, I don't think you can!", and everybody will nod in agreement, thinking: "This guy is good: cautious and in control. What do I ask him next?"
- Do not expect to find life changing experiences in your next job, or people who are going to leave a deep mark in your life. They are all just common people, who don't give a rat's ass on things like career or professional accomplishments. All they care about are where to spend their next vacation. And if due to exceptional circumstances you will find two brilliant idiots who have in their hands the chicken who makes golden eggs, but no buyers for it, they're going to be promptly discouraged by the system, stopped from doing anything that would be of some value to the company they work for (like a revolutionary product that would change the market lanscape over night.) In the corporations' world nobody needs people who think revolutionarily, out of box or simply atypical. For that kind of people, you have businesses getting started by two guys in a basement with the money they got by selling their old, crappy van.
